Leadership and Self-Care: Who is Taking Care of the Leader?
I’ve spent a career working hard to do things that probably were beyond my God-given capacity only because I “thought” I could. That meant giving up a lot of things that probably should have been more important, but in the end, feeling successful and accomplished. I’ll give credit to my parents for always telling me, “You can do anything you set your mind to,” and therefore, the next job, the next degree, the next task – I did, knowing I may not have had the needed intellect or talent, but I did have the courage and drive. All of that is positive and as I look back on a thirty-year career in education, I feel proud. At the same time, I now know there are things I could have done a little differently that would have made me a better servant, leader, family member and friend.
I have now learned, at age 55, that if you don’t take care of yourself, it’s hard to effectively take care of others, and that’s the one element I didn’t think about as I was making my way through the first three decades of my adult life.
The element, self-care is the piece that I would like to pass along to those experiencing what I experienced. Self-care, taking care of one’s mind, body and spirit to enhance wellness (my definition), is critical as you live and lead. As I look back, I think I could have been a better person to others and could have enjoyed myself more if during my stressful career as a school administrator, I’d focused more on certain aspects of wellness. The benefits of self-care have been described over and over and include things like better focus, concentration and higher productivity, maintaining a better resistance to disease and enjoying higher self-esteem and overall happiness.
In this article, I will describe the six dimensions of wellness according to Dr. Bill Hettler, co- founder of the National Wellness Institute (NWI).
I will also share my findings from a survey given (to 17- 90 year olds) to aid me in understanding others’ perspectives on self-care and wellness as it relates to the six dimensions. My hope is that readers become more aware of their own wellness and incorporate healthy habits into daily routines. Noted author John C. Maxwell states, “You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily.” I live a happier life today because I have incorporated all six dimensions into my daily routines; something I could have taken the time to implement thirty years ago, but didn’t.
NWI describes Physical Wellness as a focus on whole body awareness and getting the right amount of activity, sleep and nutrition to experience peak physical performance. It’s what most people, especially over the age of 30, focused on in my survey more than any other dimension. I can relate, because during my busiest time in life, career, parenting and going back to school, I realized that I needed to take care of myself, but what that meant to me at the time included only three things: sleeping eight hours, eating healthy foods and walking 16-20 miles a week. I didn’t consider any other aspect of wellness.
Although physical wellness might be the easiest dimension to define and understand, it may also be the most difficult to implement due to the time and effort it takes. None the less, the benefits are hard to ignore!
NWI describes Emotional Wellness as a strong self-awareness and the ability to manage your own emotions, set your own boundaries and choose your emotional reactions to people and events. I wish I had paid more attention to this dimension not only for my own health, but also to model for others. Now I realize that if a leader doesn’t demonstrate emotional wellness to others, then others have less confidence that the leader can take care of them. I wish I had shown others how to take mental breaks, have positive self-talk and choose their own emotions rather than letting others take over. As a leader there are so many people who want your time, assistance and energy. It’s an exhausting task and often leaves leaders emotionally drained.
My suggestion for leaders today is to listen to what some of those under thirty years old said in my survey: we are in charge of how we react, don’t hold on to negativity, get into nature, be open about your feelings and finally, take the vacation days that are allotted!
In some cases, these young people recalled watching their parents ignore mental and emotional health, and decided they would take a different, more healthy route.
NWI describes Social Wellness as being authentic, having mutually rewarding relationships and giving and receiving support. Just about the time I was interviewing people for this article, I was also reading a book called, The Power of the Other by Dr. Henry Cloud. Dr. Cloud talks about the enormous impact we have on one another, and how that impact can be very positive, very negative or anywhere in between. In his book Dr. Cloud describes four different kinds of relationships as corner one, corner two, corner three and corner four. Corner four relationships are supportive, authentic, healthy and what we need as humans to feel successful and supported and to effectively grow in a positive, productive way.
To me, social wellness is making an effort to spend time with those who can help us to be stronger and healthier human beings and spend less time with those who don’t.
NWI describes Intellectual Wellness as having deep curiosity, an adaptive mindset and a hunger for learning. It is a dimension that, during my survey, people who were in school, busy jobs or challenging careers seemed to take for granted and described activities related to cognitive growth as a natural part of everyday life.
As a leader, this one usually isn’t hard to achieve because effective leaders are always learning new things.
The importance here is to give yourself credit for self-care where credit is due. Staying abreast of new information, and staying sharp so that you can articulate new learning to others is a part of our wellness and by doing that, we are contributing to our own good health.
NWI describes Occupational Wellness as having work that is meaningful and makes you feel personal mastery. The study of occupational wellness may cause one to reflect on their personal purpose in life. I think about occupational wellness as an alignment between my work and my life’s mission.
As an educational leader, while I didn’t always agree with every policy of a district I served, I did believe in the overall power of public education and my role in helping teachers and school leaders so that they could better help children.
That overall drive to succeed in a meaningful calling was what kept me satisfied in my work. Although stress and details can often swallow you up in the day to day operations of leadership, if you can step back and remember the big picture and purpose, you may find more inner-peace.
NWI describes Spiritual Wellness as recognizing our search for meaning and purpose in our existence.
Many of the participants in my survey described spiritual wellness as attending church and spending time in daily prayer. Another way to think about spiritual wellness is to ask these questions: What is the meaning of my life and how is it connected to something higher? What’s my purpose? What gives me hope? How do I get through tough times? Do my values guide my decisions? I find myself thinking about my higher calling during mental breaks, social interactions, walks, as I assess the meaning of my work, and when I read thought-provoking books and articles, all other dimensions of wellness. I believe the connection between the six dimensions is a final step in overall self-care, and spiritual wellness reminds me that we can often practice two or three dimensions at the same time.
Overall wellness does not come when we’re only taking care of ourselves every now and then. Self-care has to be a part of our daily routine. One could probably not imagine waking up in the morning and skipping the habit of brushing our teeth. It’s such a habitual behavior, we sometimes don’t even realize we’re doing it, and often, if asked, might not even remember the episode; but we know we did. What if healthy habits in all dimensions of wellness were a part of our daily life? What if positive self-talk (emotional), having a better relationship with those in our community (social), revisiting our life purpose with our daily work (occupational), deep breathing (physical), seeking new learning (intellectual) and daily meditation (spiritual) were things we did as unconsciously as brushing our teeth? What if some of our unhealthy habits were replaced by healthy habits, and thus became a comfortable part of who we are? The choice is ours. We must have the courage and the drive to develop and practice healthy routines daily if we’re going to enjoy the benefits. My message is simple to fellow leaders. We have an obligation to take care of ourselves if we are going to be effective leaders.
To successfully lead and serve, others are counting on us to be strong and well.
Reference:
Cloud, Henry. The Power of the Other. HarperCollins, 2016 https://www.nationalwellness.org/page/Six_Dimensions